Big But Do We Really Feeeel Beautiful!

Happy Self-love Day Beautiful People!

I weigh 200+ pounds.

I have been bigger than what the doctor says I should be for the most part of my life (Their standards are European and I am not.)

Except for that period of time in college when I lost a significant amount of weight when I was prompted to exercise three times a week for physical therapy. When I lost the weight, I could shop at an average shop for women. I mean I liked the feeling …it was easy to just go to rack and pick up a size 10 or 12 and keep it moving. But at a size 18 I feel the difference in my energy level in my ability to conquer steps like I used. Don’t get me wrong if you ever see me on the dance floor, you’d think I was I size two. I live in my body and I am not afraid to move it and not just in a sexual way but in a way that says this is me and I AM HERE! You should see my friend Nikki; she is more fluid than I am. I guess this is why I am confused by the BBW (Big Beautiful Women) movement also known as Fat Pride. While I live to see people celebrate themselves, and I want people to feel beautiful from the inside out, something about heavy breathing, fearing steps, and chasing toxic foods full of cholesterol, grease and sugar don’t really seem to celebratory to me.

I was watching a video about a sister who seemed a bit angry because Queen Latifah is now the spokesperson for Jenny Craig as if she sold the BBW community out. I am also truly alarmed by the number of 300lb+women poppin' droppin' and lockin' it and taking it off for the camera on You Tube. Just search BBW on You Tube and you will see what I mean. Historically, greasy and sugary food has been used as a pacifier to sooth our pain, just think of all the repasses you been to. What do we serve? Are we passing around fruit or fudge cake? What would you say if your grand mom gave you an apple instead of an apple pie? I am writing to say , that food and sugar is also an addiction, a way to numb our pain and if we are to truly practice self-love it’s about asking ourselves from a health and spiritual perspective, am I really happy with this weight or have I just learned to tolerate it? When I lay down at night am I really happy with how I feel? Is my attending the BBW conference really pride or place I feel like I belong? Because I do understand that the human spirit needs belonging and kinship.

A true and real question I ‘d like to ask that beautiful sister in Lane Bryant who waddled over to me breathing heavily and who took about three minutes to fold up my clothes is, do you feel like you are thriving or just surviving? Do you feel you are worthy vitality and optimal health? Because at 200+ I feel beautiful, I love being me but I am working on being lighter, not for fashion and image reasons but because life force energy is a beautiful thing, detoxification is a beautiful thing, walking up 5 flights of steps without feeling you’re your heart will explode is a beautiful thing. I deserve that.

Quite frankly when I look at the pictures of me as a size 10, I looked too skinny. But I liked being able to jump up and down on the bed. I still do it now but with more caution. J

When we put the bull horn down, and take off the skinny verses fat mask, when we stop operating in defense mode, when no one is watching, how do we really feel? Is high blood pressure, cholesterol, diabetes, back and knee pain celebratory to you?

All in all, I am wishing us the freedom to be real with ourselves to tell the truth to ourselves even when it hurts. I am praying for our freedom to love our bodies no matter the size but also praying for our courage to know when it’s time to make a change, to know when we are worthy of more. Not through YO YO dieting via Dexatrim, or Appemine or for fitting in a smaller bathing suit but to save or develop the quality of our lives. Our girls are watching.

Happy Self love Day Beautiful People!

Lacey C. Clark!

Founder/Personal Empowerment Coach